Late night scattered thoughts...

I feel so inadequate. I guess this is a good thing because it makes me rely on God.

When I think about what paradise is I usually go back to memories where time appeared to stand still and I could feel God's breath on the back of my neck. I often think about swimming with sea turtles off the north shore of Oahu. It was epiphinal to be surrounded by warm salt sea feeling simultaneously disconnected from the human world and being totally Othered from the ocean world... I was a spectator searching the experience like a toddler would be investigating the mystery of someone else's backyard.

I also remember walking in a small grove under some crab apple trees while sudden bursts of wind blew tender little pink petals all around my body. It seemed like time paused while tiny petals kissed my cheeks and fell on the ground before my feet. The severed petals were suspended in air and the wind was speaking things. Nature shot out a confetti of blessings and the wind carried a promise that day.

I want to see things like this every day. I want to feel little and have a real experience of wonder. I want that joy at every turn.