Mining the earth vs. resting and listening to God's voice

Have you ever had a heavy heart and sensed God wanted to tell you something significant? That is where I am this season so I am taking a couple of days this week to retreat, process, wait, and listen. Please pray that God will open my eyes and ears so I can receive what he will say.

I am currently reading, chronologically, through the bible and am in Job. I was reading Job 28 and the words leapt out of the page at me and spoke to my spirit. A big part of my heart resonates with this book these days. It is the oldest book penned in the bible and it tells the story of a heavenly contest taking place in the life of one man on earth. It asks the question, "why is there suffering" and it confirms God's sovereignty (chapter 38 is amazing when God shows up to speak directly to Job).

I like Job, he was a good man. In chapter 28 he affirms God's character; he's still in his journey of questioning God as to "why" is there suffering and injustice and holds fast in affirming that God's very essence is just. Job is strong enough in his faith (and love) for the Father to know that even though he is hurting God is good, trustworthy, and just. He pushes harder into searching God's heart and voice for answers - his pain drives him there.

Then Job launches into a word picture of man's futile quest for understanding. It is a picture of a man mining "the farthest recesses for ore in the blackest darkness." Man searches the isolate dark places grappling, digging, and feeling his way to find this raw material of understanding that it might be smelted into wisdom. It is mined through isolation, endurance, sweat, frustration, and brought into the light to be examined.

But what he is searching for is not found. Wisdom is not hidden in the roots of mountains. Wisdom is not mined through our toil on earth or stumbled upon in its purest state. It cannot be found in the dust under our feet, in depths of the sea, or in the stars above. Even the spirit of death doesn't know where it is.

“But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living.
The deep says, 'It is not in me'; the sea says, 'It is not with me.' It cannot be bought with the finest gold, nor can its price be weighed in silver."

"Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell? It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing, concealed even from the birds of the air. Destruction and Death say, 'Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.' God understands the way to it and he alone knows where it dwells, for he views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens. When he established the force of the wind and measured out the waters, when he made a decree for the rain and a path for the thunderstorm, then he looked at wisdom and appraised it; he confirmed it and tested it. And he said to man, 'The fear of the Lord--that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.'"

"But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell?"God has given me (all of us) the path to wisdom; it is only through fearing him. "The fear of the Lord-- that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding."

When I go away this week pray that I will be wide open, trusting, and ready to receive God's wisdom. Pray that I will be prepared to act on anything he tells me to do. I want to follow his path and not lean on my own understanding. I do not want to spend my days grappling in vain for answers like a fool. Rather, I want to demonstrate my fear of God by trusting in his plans established by His sovereign vision. Today, I do not see the path in front of me, I do not know where to turn... but He does.

Hitting the jet stream

I'm back from my mission trip and there is about a month left until Arno and I get married. It was so good to come home to him, I'm really looking forward to time together after the wedding and my moving in is finished. I've come to realize that I'm a nester. Ever since I got back I've felt this need to be settled, no longer transient, and I wander around our house setting it up with joy.

These days I can be found wandering around, unpacking boxes, setting out kitchen bric-a-brac, doing loads of laundry and putting linens away,it feels good. I think that organizing our new house somehow helps me reorder my busy mind.

I haven't posted for a while because I'm not feeling like myself at all. I think I'm adjusting to being back home and wrapping my head around what needs to get done for the wedding, for our house, for work, for my relationships. I sometimes feel like there are too many balls to juggle - but I'm not complaining because I'm grateful I have so many good things to steward. I'm just challenged right now because every one of them needs some sort of significant attention these days and I'm having a hard time engaging with them. I'm learning to relax in areas and events I can't control.

Maybe God is preparing me for motherhood later. Ha! Don't worry, Arno and I are in NO rush.

Speaking of motherhood, my sister had her baby, Andrew, the day I left. He is easy, happy, and healthy.
This is me holding Andrew. Amazing. What a great treat to come home to.