Auntie takes babies to West Edmonton Mall

For goodness sakes these kids are so much fun. Taylor, almost three, loved the rides and went completely nuts in the games room at Galaxyland this week. Alexander, one and a half, had the opposite kind of reaction. He had a meltdown, sensory overload, and we cut the trip short.

Shortly before Alex's freakout!

Taylor and I playing at my sister Natalie's house.

a hazy shade of November...

For the first time in years my mind has come to a stand-till, a crossroads, where new decisions must be made. A new career, a bright and promising path, lay before my feet but these past few weeks have proven more difficult than I first thought they would. Perhaps it is the move, or the looming glare of an overcast sky threatening winter, or the all over brownness this city has at this time of year which have crafted this particularly low-key month. I feel as though I could be consumed by the pavement or sucked dry by the city's cold horizon. Now, more than ever, I need more time just to be still and talk with God. My weakness and frailty have really come into light this month. I'm currently taking a break just to "fill back up" and organize the remains of a life I had and engage the life that has just begun. I realize that under the compacted stress of graduating, changing careers, and leaving Saskatoon my gaze turned far too introspective, too myopic and focused on the self, and I've stumbled hard.

Have you ever arrived at a point, spiritually and emotionally, to which you thought you'd never return only to be humbled and find that you had? I just did this. I guess the good thing is that tomorrow is a new day and my hope is in Christ and not the "self." My ideas of how things should transpire always stink, they're downright rotten, in comparison to God's and I have no idea why I get distracted from His perfect plan. I'm so glad He is patient with me.

I'm not going to waste any time complaining, because I have nothing to complain about, it's just that I got focused on what I don't have at the moment. It's stupid and I know it is wrong. God knows what I need even before I do and He keeps me from things that are destructive - that could hurt me and others in periphery. So things I think I need I don't really need because His grace is sufficent and His desire for me is perfect. So if I don't recieve what I desire it is actually a blessing because I am sustained by the God of the Universe who sees everything, the best I can see is through a glass darkly. I need a fresh revelation of His grace so I can see through this haze.

Outta Here...

So "The Great Exodus" from Saskatoon occurred on Sunday and between my studio junk and my suite we had the cube van packed to the gills. Good thing Dad is an engineer and is adept at spacial reasoning - he packed that truck like he was playing Tetris.

So was it New Order or Joy Division who sang "Isolation?" Methinks it is the later, I've been humming it all day as I've been thinking of all my friends, and my brother, far away in Saskatoon. That is one part of moving cities that I really don't like - leaving fantastic relationships behind. I certainly won't miss the ungrated roads in the winter though - I got out just in time.

It is really good that I moved when I did though. I had toxic black mold in my suite and have been sick for months. Now I'm recovering, putzing around setting up my stuff, dealing with life after being institutionalized in school, and winding down. It is so good to hang out with family, I didn't realize how much I missed them until I came back.

Moving is a kind of soft trauma isn't it? All one's earthly possessions packed tightly in boxes and bags serve as a reminder of one's transience and mortality. Being "settled" is a fallacy and "movement" is a constant.

I've only been gone a few days and I'm already feeling the sting of missing my friends.

Boo! The annual Blackflash Magazine Masquerade!

Ali and I decorated - she won first prize for her chandelier costume and I don't yet have a picture of her. I went as a deceased Jayne Mansfield and unfortunately not everyone is up on their 60's pop culture and had to be tutored as to who she was. By that point the joke was lost. The other option was to go as John Denver with a miniature ultralite, made out of wire and cardboard, wrapped around my legs.

Left to Right = David, Bart, Adrian, Pumpkinhead (aka Brian), Me, Dan, Armin & Alex, Stacia as rocketgirl, and James under the mask.